Please go find someone else to enjoy sex with if you can. But we dont have sex or make love or anything you want to call it! Im only 63 and Ive pretty much just given up. You deserve to be happy in your life as well. Yes it seems so mechanical and cut and dry the way some men are, so no sex is much more appealing. .! We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. My nephews, 1x/month on average, so I dont over do with outside the marriage things at all nor overspend, AT ALL. He is 69 (as am I) and weve been married 39 years and for him sex is a thing of the long past! you get it. Now its gotten where I cant get hard when Im with her, Im sure its mental causes. That last sentence got my attention. If theyve been fighting the whole day, physical intimacy is the last thing on their mind. I cant say all women are like this but the handful I have been with do not talk about what feels good to them or what they would like me to do and/or do differently. I stumbled here because my wife shows or accepts zero affection , caring or appreciation. LoL. Sometimes losing interest in sex with your spouse is a symptom of losing interest in the relationship overall. If your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may not be a low libido so much as a poor mom-life balance thats getting in the way of things. Ask your wife what she likes and what would be sexy and pleasurable for her. I work full time, do personal training after that, and run a business. He is selfish, lazy and quite frankly a self absorbed narcissist. We are starting to fight a lot and twice I heard him on the phone throwing me under the bus to someone. Between her legs the next time.4, stop watching porn if you know this makes her feel uncomfortable as we all know when men watch porn that will lead into you not being able to get it up for her because you have been watching photoshops porn and all you want is that fake lady so you go out and cheat on your wife then come home and accuse her of cheating and thats why she is not having sex with you. I fail to see the point of continuing further. Whatever the case, do your best and work with your wife to restore that spark in your marriage. Or if your wife does have a known medical issue, talk to each other about how your sex life might be being affected and ways you can work together to keep your sex life healthy. But we are kidding ourselves if we somehow justify a womans position requiring fidelity in a sexless marriage. Most of my female friends in their sixties are married to men who just stopped having sex, wanting sex, initiating sex or any kind of intimacy. He is suffering from a mental health issue. Well a few years ago sex began to get less and less. Due to major health issues and aging, we just quit altogether. But, you must remember that this rejection of your sexual advances is often triggered by some underlying reasons. The counselor ABSOLUTELY never touched on the subject of sex. She actually told me that my friend who went through a similar situation was in need of therapy because his wife caught him watching porn. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Does your wife struggle with self-love? With her warm, playful approach to coaching and facilitation, Kelly creates refreshingly candid spaces for processing and healing challenges around dating, sexuality, identity, body image, and relationships. Many of us could not conceive of divorcing because we have spent a lifetime waiting around to be shown once again that we are desired by the one person we have shared our lives with and still very much love. I was disabled when she met me, so Im it cant be because of money. She is somewhat stressed by the reduction in lifestyle we have been reduced to, after years of six figure income for both of us. What is the solution? 69 years old and no sex together for over 20 years..I asked her if she ever gets horny anymore like when we were dating..she flatly stated no, and if thats a dealbreaker so be it. The marriage is fine except for the sex. Plus, a lack of communication might have created this distance. I work hard and have to masturbate sometimes to fall asleep. I am utterly fed up with being in the friend zone or occasionally doing it with what might as well be a sack of potatoes. She even stopped expressing affection such as hand holding, goodbye kisses, etc. . So I disagree when people say leave the marriage as soon as the sex stops. When I say intimacy, I do not mean just intercourse. To me, that is emotional abuse. Wooing is a life-long endeavor. In case you have nothing to hide, work on communication exercises with your partner to be able to tell her that there is no need for trust issues. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. I didnt even get a goodmorning after a month away. Aiaia!Number, address, divorce papers signed and ready to go?DANG! mine forgot my birthday this year (it is 2 days before his lol) and our wedding anniversary : ( I can not compete with his online game omg he plays 24-7 so I can relate to your problem with your wife choosing the phone over you thats cold. Many of these comments are a breath of fresh air. Add Cialis if you want solid tree trunk hardness. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. Over time, expressions of love change form and that unbridled passion can begin to dull down. Friends and family say theres going to be a decrease in libido, but its been almost a whole year since she has even initiated anything, he added. All I could think of was him dying because I had to have sex. Thanks for pointing out that marriage therapy can also help with problems about having a sexless marriage. My wife avoids intimacy a vast majority of married men live with this nagging feeling, sometimes for years on end. // IMPORTANT: Replace EXAMPLE with your forum shortname! 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. Youd do things her way, when she wanted it, or else its divorce rape in the courts. Your husband is a very lucky man. As a socialite in many women sponsored events, I believe her marriage status is important in her social circle than her marriage itself. We started dating in high school and never separated. Dear, PS Bishislife, Makes me feel worth lessnot worthless.worth. I was disgusted with the thought of my tongue in that region. I dont look my age at all! All the way. However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. I am 64 years old and I have not had sex with my wife for about 7 years, she is 59 years old. I self reflected and starting cooking again, especially on her late nights. My husband and I separated recently. There is a disconnect, a lack of communication and a lot of arguments. I would be gone before dark! Cater to her needs, indulge in some foreplay, and stop being selfish! Let him know, with passion and love, that you miss *that* him . He is always sitting alone. Zimmerman also recommends getting some time away from the kids regularly so that you can re-immerse yourselves in your identities as individuals and as a couple outside of your roles as parents. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. One of you simply wants sex more often than the other does. Get our newsletters to make sure you never miss a thing! Anyway, I was so turned on by this guy (in love too)that just seeing him or us simply hugging was a major Turn-On. And really dont know what to do. So our talking about this topic usually ends up in an argument or one of us so ticked off we could scream. Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. I am 64 and met a 75 widower for 13 years whom exercises, takes a natural supplement to help with blood flow, and takes occasional viagra. So maybe try treating he how you did when first met. If your wife is avoiding sex, the emotional connect is missing, 5. If you deny one you put a wall around the other. Its important to understand the difference between spontaneous desire and responsive desire. But, as we have read many time here, that it is OK for the woman/wife to force her husband into a sexless marriage. WFT. They seem just as happy as any other married couple. My husband stopped 25 years ago when he couldnt get it up. If I go with my friend (who is also not 100% and we have the same pace, easy and slow) he ridicules me that I have energy to shop, walk her dog or just sit and chat over some tea. I wish you the best. While its good to get to the root of the problem so you can resume a healthy. No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. Your children can/will respect only what they see and experience. To you guys in a sexless marriage for years, and she wont even talk to you about it? Best of luck to you! Life is way too short! What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Won't Touch You - All Pro Dad My wife sleeps through most of this so I try to keep quiet and let her sleep. Look, not to give your hubby a pass here, but please, understand that most men in our country, we who were raised in the 50s. As if I was only there as a sperm donor. Id like to hear how you feel. When you first met her you were in an OTHER zone. Man, thats no way to respond to your wife, person you care deeply about whos saying to you that theyre experiencing mental health crisis in your relationship. Hes had issues with porn for a long time. You definitely dont get it. It hard to bud out. my dad still wants to have sex but my mom is too tired and no longer comfortable with sex. Senior Planet subscribers also get The Weekly Orbit, our newsletter with features about personal finance, health and fitness, technology tips, an online book club and more! Over 12 years no sexual contact. * LEARN WHY DEFINING THESE VARIABLES IS IMPORTANT: We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. If shes got a spouse who is extremely suspicious, shes not going to feel trusted or respected. Praying for these husbands. For a woman, as she ages, she needs time to get into that sexual mindset and anticipation is a great aphrodisiac. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. Although i had told him beforehand that if it didnt change I would get it on the side. You are the problem/ Can you blame her? 3. As a matter of fact, if shes not enjoying herself, I stop. But at this point I dont think her interest in sex will ever revive, so what would your advice be? God as our designer and maker knows what is best for us. Just get out Stan. I have difficulty ejaculating and often, cannot get erections with her. We both have health issues I think it was a relief for him because he was not much into sex. Well, I am more than happy to say that our marriage has lasted for over 56 years and I know that we are still together mostly due to the fact that we are best friends. Even when a man has had prostate cancer, as my husband has, that does not mean he gets a free pass to close up shop and put his wife on the shelf the rest of her life. For many of us who have exhausted talking to our partners, asking to have their normal needs met, to be loved and shown love and to be valued and desired but have been met with silence, stares, okay, not interested, I am not in the mood or sleeping in separate rooms, your partner has betrayed your trust and your marriage with emotional and sexual blackmail. /* He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. Ive tried scheduling, bringing in sex toys, texting, dating, hugging and cuddling in bed you name it. Working with a therapist will help you learn to ask her how she prefers to be touched and help empower her to guide you. Some women do not compartmentalize their emotions the way some men do, and thus may be more easily preoccupied during sex. It wasnt until I got married at age 40 that I realized that my problem probably wasnt sexual boredom but something else. I am 66 and my wife is 62. I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. I quit sex because I didnt want to put with name calling and her being boring. That leads to I dont like you. She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. And the source of so many sleepless nights is that person who promised to love and honor us until death dobus part and who still possess a mouth and fingers and the ability to do just that. Damn was I a dumbass. Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Our experts helped them improve their sex life by advising a bit more spontaneity. 3. If you are tired of initiating intimacy and your wife doesnt want sex anymore, it may be time to consider marriage counseling. He claims to love me and just wants to continue on with what I consider a rather boring, dreary and certainly sexless marriage! He was gone on the road 80% of the time. Your wife never initiates physical contact - Sex feels like a chore Is your mind saying - "my wife loves me but is not sexually attracted to me?" Your wife never initiates physical contact and she does not seem excited by that idea either. "Sexuality will often emerge naturally from their authentic emotional intimacy.". Since abstinence for so long Im wondering what will happen if a woman takes an interest in a 70-year-old man. Now its Im sore there. If divorce is not an option then get involved outside the home. Flirting in public! This break down could be for a number of reasons: Some are directly related to her man. Have you ever considered WHY your wife doesnt want to have sex anymore? But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. But I do it, why? My wife and I are in our late 50s and connect wonderfully in all ways. I understand that kids, work, and home projects can weaken your romantic side over time, but it doesnt have to be that way. Can we please talk about how we each feel about sex in our relationship? She has no interest in any positions other than missionary even though I love other positions. Men my advice is dont get married or move in with women if you love sex. Gynecological conditions such as endometriosis, PCOS, PCOD, uterine fibroids and pelvic pain can make it difficult for women to enjoy sex. One of the scariest reasons your wife wont have sex with you may be that she has feelings or is being intimate with someone else. I have respected all she has asked and continue to do all I can to let her know I love and adore her. Showing discomfort is a telltale sign that your wife isn't taking foreplay positively. Is it something we should split over? This was an enlightening comment and reflects what has been my marriage for 35 years. It doesnt necessarily make it better but it makes sense. She tricked me, I fell in love, we have 4 grown awesome me, the model relationship in our large family. That can happen because of a lack of communication, a lack of understanding or just misinterpreting what their spouse is thinking. Im in the same situation with my overweight, lazy, 48 year old wife. She needs someone to act as a buffer, to provide support and not make it seem like shes in it alone. But, here we are with 13 grandchildren from the strong marriages of our 9 surviving children. Some nice and some angry! If you have a hunch your wife is dealing with body image issues, gently bring it up with her, and see if there are ways you can support herwithout making it seem like you're critiquing her body or suggesting she needs to change the way she looks. I also went down on her regularly, and now she doesnt even want me to try. The comments given above is very true. 30 years I kept saying to myself.itll get better Now I have ED. Engage in thought-provoking discussions, make new friends, and share resources all on a safe and ad-free platform. I rest my case. He already said she feels bad for him so she is aware of the problem. Another reason my wife never initiates physical contact may be due to hormonal changes. Marital counseling can help couples identify underlying conflicts and improve their communication skills. No amount of therapy, joint or individual, will fix this issue. She told me after having foreplay she thinks her vagina is dead because nothing arouses her. They think they do, Men expect women to get hormone therapy to fix the hormone problem. Leave her, even if youre alone. She know eccatly what shes doing. It was not measurable in his blood. Men must risk themselves, including sacrificing their own lives if necessary, to protect the women and children in their care. If your penis does not work, attempt to fix it. I ask why she said it is just how it is. Cheating is easy and you deserve it. At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, but you most certainly are putting up with it, by acquiescing your role in your own home and your role as the male in your relationship. Women have all these excuses and fare enough many of them are legitimate but some of it is disconnecting. Demetria, so how old are you now? Maybe it will make a difference, good luck. Perhaps, some counseling might even help. Get a better paying job so she doesnt have to work her butt off. If there are other underlying problems such as financial constraints or strained relationships with the in-laws, the stress could be killing her libido and be the reason why your wife avoids sex. It also says that we are to make our bodies our patents, not ours. Drying up was a major problem. He treats me like a food friend and we do get along otherwise. Underlying medical problems Many claim that its women who become dis- Go be the cat lady then. When he gets it, his wife & children are covered in security & abundance. stop insultiing cats. For example, depression, as well as the medication used to manage it, can take a toll on ones libido. But then she had a full hysterectomy to further reduce her hormone production, and from then on, sex has all but stopped. Perhaps there's a desire discrepancy between you, whether in general or just at this particular time in your lives, and you're both very aware of it. In particular, most women cannot reach orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. We still talk, but thats it. She is unhappy with your lack of hygiene, 12. Even if he cant accept the divorce is coming!!! But, if we actually *wish* to engage our brains, we do have the brains that God gave us, the brains through with which we can engage in thoughtful interpretation of facts. Anything less is slow sewer side. On the other hand, another reason your wife is never in the mood may be related to menopause. Its like shes ashamed of her vagina. Hopefully, you now know just what to work on, with the help of the reasons why your wife never initiates physical contact. Do this without the expectation of sexual intimacy. accuse me of not loving her enough, if I had to cheat back. Get some technique. Im not really sure if you can put any one word to it. My wife says shes convinced that my strong sex drive saved our marriage that got us through our in-laws, the deaths of 2 of our children, accidents, emergencies, seriou surgeries, any one of which could have destroyed us. Now married to number 3. Thank you, great essay. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. When someone Denys you something so fundamentally important, it is Not Cheating to And when that happens, what used to turn you on about your wife wont turn you on anymore. I became completely numb to anything. You cannot force desire no matter what you do or if it is the other partner, same thing. I am sorry I stayed, but life, illness, dementia parents and a son kept me in this sexless marriage. Married a little over 50 years! That you would elevate paid sex with a stranger above the shared intimacy and love found only after years together as partners says even more. But here I sit.pissed off. I have the same problem, my wife and I are 73 years old, 7years ago she told me she no longer had an interest in sex, so,it has been 7 dry years, she told me I was free to,find someone to have sexy with!! I think Im in love and theres no turning back. Both 39 years oldI just suffer in silence. The dog loves her. When this happens I can not go back to sleep so my sleep is totally disrupted to the point of causing me to be unable to go about my day normally. When theres a disconnect and communication gaps that lead to resentment, the hostility will make itself apparent in some way or the other, says Gopa. Tall. Research, psychologists, and Google can offer ideas, but only your wife herself can tell you why she doesn't want to have sex with you: Working a full-time job in addition to running household errands and caring for kids can be exhausting and stressful, so some women may simply feel too busy and overworked to have any energy for sex. Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. Im really suffering. I need love that bad to hang on to a partner that never wants sex? She can also talk to her doctor to see what options are available to support her libido. I absolutely adore my wife/partner I love her dearly and would do anything for her. . I love him and still desire him (even though he lost his hair and gained a gut!!) Suddenly it all makes sense. If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. My Wife is Not Affectionate Anymore | The Modern Man However, if the unfortunate situation arises where your wife never initiates physical contact because shes having an affair, you need to deal with it gently. I want to divorce my husband!!! She received her journalism degree from Northwestern University, and her writings on sex, relationships, identity, and wellness have appeared at The Cut, Vice, Teen Vogue, Cosmopolitan, and elsewhere. He has an expectation of honesty and communication, perhaps, but only if he is providing the same for you. he will not give me a divorce so yes take a lover if you need too cause feeling wanted, desired, and loved, is like food we all need it and deserve it! I miss the simple things. Your wife has become conscious of her body, 8. We are just roommates. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? Every new relationship begins with a promise of love, intimacy and affection. Hi Mary We werent intimate back then, and a quirk of fate brought us together recently. Most women find us as nothing more then a sex pig. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.